April 17, Part 2

I got a brief visit to a friend’s cell today; she has the benefit of being in the corner as the longest inmate here. It was amazing to see such an immaculate cell – she washes her floor every day. (To be honest, mine has dust bunnies). I also learned a lot of neat tricks (like where else can become a handy storage shelf.) She also showed me pictures of her adorable daughter, about two years old. Also her parents and her dog. She holds back the tears better than most. Today she also shared with us a beautiful Orthodox Easter card with a mosaic pattern of “Pantokrator” (a famous icon of Jesus which looks half-stern) and the decorated, intricate eggs.

There was a harsh exchange of words today at breakfast – a letter arrived from a woman who has now moved on to rehab. Another woman, with many drug problems herself, denigrated the woman who wrote the letter, saying that she would never get ‘clean.’ So the woman receiving the letter told the critic that it was she who would never really get ‘clean,’ and that she was a hypocrite for saying in the pod she fully intended to go use again, while saying she was clean and planned to stay that way in the A.A. meetings, etc. All in far less pleasant words. The exchange really got me thinking, about a lot of things: about lying, about planning to go back to an addiction, about who is redeemable – in the letter-writer’s defense, the third woman said, “I believe everyone deserves a second chance! And a third, fourth and fifth chance! At least she’s trying!” What book did I just finish reading? It said that if creation has been redeemed then all lives, no matter how destroyed, are capable of redemption. I was also thinking back to Levitical codes of ‘clean,’ as well as Jesus’ words about clean and unclean – and think of what it has and does mean/take to become ‘clean.’ Finally, I was thinking, it is hard for me to love this ‘hypocrite,’ though I am trying. She’s not a very pleasant person and likes to throw her weight around. She’s not very loving to the more vulnerable women. She’s been here nearly as long as my Rumanian friend, well over a year. Her parents are practicing ‘tough love’ by keeping her here and not bonding her out, which probably is the only way to keep her off the drugs, let alone the stealing to get the drugs. Will I, though, believe that every life can be redeemed? If I say I do, I must work harder to love this person.

And while I am on the topic of redeeming and loving the people near or at rock-bottom, I am led to think about others who persistently frustrate me. My ire is frequently raised by wealthy so-called liberals or progressives, especially ones who call themselves “progressive Christians,” who seem to be only after fame and fortune, treating anyone who doesn’t help them attain either like dirt.

---

Women here do not work. I have heard there was a small sex scandal earlier that ended women inmates’ working, but I don’t know that for a fact. Anyway, there are about a half-dozen men who do work in the jail on a daily basis – in the kitchen in the laundry, on the custodial rounds. They wear tan scrubs instead of orange. They’re always watched by a guard, but they have some additional freedom, too. I was pondering all this during laundry rounds today – especially how remarkably natural they are about distributing women’s underwear. I would probably even be embarrassed in such a situation.

Anyway, the lack of ‘work’ doesn’t bother me. I get all the social interaction I could want and then some in our dayroom. And I am often at ‘work’ translating, transcribing, and counseling, and writing letters. Still it is a good balance of work, play, and rest – it brings additional meaning to this month rather than frustration. (Now, spending a month only playing spades and eating junk food – I might get impatient with that. But it suits others just fine, and I understand it, too. I think.)