Retreat in Lincoln Park

Retreat.

I’m remembering as we arrive that sometimes when you go on retreat you’re preparing to advance, so why not call it an ‘Advance?’ But, in the rather peaceful courtyard in front of St. Pauls Church (no apostrophe, due to German heritage), it feels like a small retreat in the city. I look over at Children’s Memorial next door and feel a certain sadness, that so many children could be so sick that you would need a hospital that large. Having done CPE in our hometown hospital, the largest of the region, we rarely had seriously ill children.

The neighborhood in general, and especially the interior of the church as I enter, challenge my assumptions about urban churches. I don’t expect them to be nicely decorated, with paint that’s firmly holding to the walls, or newer furniture. I don’t expect a ‘boardroom’ atmosphere to the room in which we’re gathering. I guess I know they exist; I’m just surprised it’s part of the CCT program, which I had taken to be more about mission to the poor and oppressed. Can the poor and oppressed find a home in this congregation? Perhaps I just don’t know.

Not to say that I don’t like the church—in fact, I've come to love the place pretty quickly. I am especially awed by the display board showing clippings about their devastating fire and rebuilding some fifty years ago at Christmas. That takes courage. I don’t know if my own field site would survive a fire. I worry about it from time to time.

I am nervous about the retreat; I am worried I’ll be pigeonholed into some personality category type and not be able to break free from that box. I had that happen once in group spiritual direction, and eventually left the group in order to heal; I guess to some extent it happened in CPE though I didn’t mind it so much—I knew it was a common experience, and other than this, the supervisor was a kind man. Supervisors have a lot of power. I’d like to work with seminarians in the future, but I want to make sure I don’t create boxes that suffocate them.


I hope this goes well.