I Hate Women's Clergy Shirts

That's probably enough said, but I'll continue ranting a few more lines. I have a supposedly modern 'Lydia Collection' shirt, but I find it itchy and not really created for a woman's body. Maybe a really flat-chested one, but not the size indicated on the size chart. It also wrinkles funny around the collar. I shouldn't have to pay fifty bucks to become a stiff-necked preacher. And they're 100% heavyweight cotton, which might hold up a few years, but you'll be melting under an alb, and at least six months out of the year. I am not amused.

I also have the option of a Friar Tuck 100% polyester 'shell' with band collar. Ah, a shell. Do I look like a sea creature to you, clergy apparell manufacturers? Plus, not only would I get to melt, I'd stink worse in said process of melting. They have a slightly potato-sack construction to them. I want to lead the congregation, not hide from them. That's what burqa'as are for.

Friar Tuck also offers a long-sleeve tab collar poly-cotton shirt. Poly-cotton is great, and long-sleeve is often also great, but these shirts have pleats and ruffles. I haven't worn pleats since I grew hips and I haven't worn ruffles since I was seven and declared my independence in all things clothing. The woman model in the catalog, who is probably even younger than me, smiles uncomfortably, as though wishing for the Rapture to spare her further embarrassment.

So if I build a better women's clergy getup, will the clergywoman world beat a path to my door? I don't understand what's so hard about it. Men can have climate-appropriate, practical, non-itchy fabric shirts. And they last. And they're cheaper.

And, really, I think that's what I'll do. I came across a second-hand men's C.M. Almy band-collar shirt. For the first time, I've found a short sleeve shirt that's appropriate (no Britney Spears extra-short pastoral sleeves for me, thanks); it's lightweight, and it fits me better than any women's shirt I've yet seen. I bet it doesn't even carry the surcharge we women pastors have to pay to be professionally attired. As long as I'm comfortable, I'll proudly be a cross-dressing cleric.