The Angst of Perceived Inadequacy

I confessed to my Public Theology class tonight the angst which I've experienced lately about writing well now on topics I've handled courageously enough before:


As I've gotten going with much enthusiasm for writing specifically for this class, to hone my skills as a 'public theologian,' staying in tune with the torture debate and other issues close to my heart, regularly tuning in to NPR, etc., I have to confess a certain amount of angst, or at least feeling very inferior to the task: What have I really to offer? For example, maybe the guy on NPR just said everything I might have thought of to say, and said it better than I could, and just got heard by a couple million people. Who am I by comparison? If the goal is to 'be witty, be brief, and be seated,' (good advice always), should I get up and talk for what can seem like the sake of talking? Dare I contribute to the information overload and endanger tuning out ever more people? Sometimes even liberal/progressive activism feels like a (somewhat meaningless) rat race.


Since I don't want to depress the entire class (or all activists), I also want to say I didn't always feel this way. When I was living and traveling in the Middle East, I knew I was seeing first hand what others were not seeing and what the media was not reporting. I had a very strong sense of mission there to communicate in any way I knew how. Since coming back however, where I am 'just another seminary student,' I really struggle to know how I can be helpful. It sometimes seems like, what do I know now that others don't know?


Yet, I signed up for this class because I wanted to learn how to overcome these feelings and personal issues, and to be helpful to the healing of the world from where I am and what little I have to offer.